Dang! Quiet isn’t the half of it, is it? It’s been deadly silent here. Are you still there? I’m here. Nested. Blossoming.
My apologies. Been living a life. I’ve thought of you. Often, really. Simply haven’t had the space in my head to figure out what to write. Well, to be honest and fair….and in the interest of full self-disclosure…haven’t wanted to share the raunchy fantasies I’ve been having [and moving them from fantasy to reality]. I’ve been selfish. Wanting to keep them to myself and relish them; turning them over and over in my head long after I’ve showered and dressed.
My new home feels more like home than any other place I’ve lived in many years. I’d say 17 of them. It feels good here. Yes, home. I’m doing all the things I’m to do to make these four walls and this community my home.
Daddy has been magnificent, not surprisingly. He is not perfect, nor am I. I am protective of what we share together. Yet I want to recount the nasty things my Daddy does to me… I am learning that while I am a sweet, loving, and precocious girl, I am also a nasty, dirty, raunchy, trashy girl. Daddy has done to me things I’ve never thought would turn me on. Things I never considered or imagined at all. Things that would prompt me to crinkle my nose from the very thought. And then he does them to me and my pussy gushes with heat and wetness… as it warms now thinking of it as I type and nervously glance at the clock knowing I don’t have time to pleasure myself this morning but need to get my bum into the shower.
Daddy has also shared with me his fantasies. Some involve me as his loving daughter. Others require me to assume a different role. A role I’d not thought about since I was a teenager. A role I played out often with my first boyfriend in the afternoon light of his bedroom. A role that makes my nipples ache with longing. It turns me on immensely. I find myself wanting to play this out with Daddy quite often.
The balance between our fantasies naturally finds itself. The pendulum swings in one direction and then the other to both of our individual and shared satisfactions. When my need was greatest to be in Daddy’s loving and protective embrace with all its attendant abuse of my trust of him, he generously gave of himself to me. When his need arises, I am eager to fulfill his urges to abuse me from a very different perspective. The trust between us makes this possible. There are times when I need him to be my Daddy and he needs me to be something else to him. There is no negotiation between us; our union is not that formal. Perhaps there will come a time when we will need to negotiate this part of our life together - when our needs will be in conflict - and I am confident we will find our way should it be necessary. Yes, he continues to abuse me as his daughter. And I gladly and very willingly assume the role he desires of me. It is my innate desire to please. From my foundation of submissiveness springs my enthusiasm to don the persona that moves him to ecstasy.
Life is good. I am growing and changing all the time. At the core of me is that ever-trusting, loving, very sexually curious, pleasing, hedonist-of-a-girl. She is increasingly encased in a responsible, mature, honest, trusting, loving woman who lives in reality.
Life is also hard at times. I miss my Grandmother very much. I miss my family. My friends. I miss the familiar, though as my new surroundings become more so I feel the absence less and less. My new life is becoming familiar, yes. I have secured a temporary job. The money is pitiful. The hours start early and run long. The work itself is neither challenging or particularly interesting. The gig is scheduled to last until Thanksgiving. In this economy, I am grateful to have found work at all. This job has driven home to me that I no longer take my self-worth and self-esteem from the “what” of what I do for a living. I define myself differently; I nurture those traits through my life with myself and my interactions with others. Allowing the girl in me to come out from behind the curtain added a new layer of self-esteem.
I will do my best to write more often. I realize I’ve been quiet for a *very* long time. I struggle to find the balance between living my fantasies and sharing them with you given my inclination to shield my most vulnerable self - this girl in me and her relationship with her fabulous Daddy - in its fragile, newly-budded state.
I will find strength in my own vulnerability.
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